Dear Victoria,
I’ve got some news to share. I’ll cut to the chase.
We’re breaking up.
I know, I know. It’s been 15 years. But rest assured, it’s not you.
It’s not even me.
Ever since Denise and I left Vancouver for your Island vibes in 2011—with three very young kids in tow (the goats!), as she pursued a splendid new role at a fabulous school—our time together has been magnificent.
You have demonstrated your Island amazingness in oh-so-many ways.
Like the glorious daffodils that erupt in early February, begging to be photographed and sent back East to freezing relatives, you are perpetually majestic.
Or the way a pint of Guinness magically arrives at the Penny Farthing pub before I have even ordered (or sat down), proving next-level care for the customer.
Or how the Galloping Goose, Lochside Regional Trail, and a host of other bike paths and roads are teeming with friendly, courteous cyclists.
Or how the entire staff at Oak Bay Pharmasave, from Tony to the pharmacists to the cool cats at the Canada Post counter, seem to genuinely care about my family and take super good care of us.
You have been such a “Tour de Rock” over these past 15 years. But in late spring, the unthinkable happened.
No, Clive’s is still open with its gloriously smoky Deep Dark Woods cocktail. Phew!
Remember that splendid new role Denise took at the fabulous school back in 2011—the one our three goats all graduated from and collectively spent 35 years at—well, that role was recently eliminated.
I know.
It’s leading to our breakup.
Now, Victoria, over the last 15 years I’ve really become smitten with your understanding of the intrinsic value of collaboration and how Islanders share a special, impregnable bond, one that may seem invisible but is as present as a Salish Sea wind blast.
I know you understand the critical importance of kinship, the behind-the-scenes efforts that ensure the Guinness is delivered unannounced.
And I know you know all too well, Victoria, that we Islanders stop on the bike paths to make certain someone isn't stranded by an unforeseen flat tire.
It’s because those of us living in Victoria seem to share not only that impregnable bond but also a deep penchant for empathy.
Islanders care. A lot.
About neighbours, about the community that is Victoria, and indeed the entire island.
We don’t ignore one another; we include and embrace the differences.
We don’t act nefariously, with clandestine motives; we’re open and cooperative.
We don’t barge in myopically; we encourage discourse and patience and seek understanding.
We complain endlessly about BC Ferries, but every one of us treats those employees with the respect they deserve. (Editor’s Note: please bring back the buffet.)
As Islanders, a collaborative culture is at the core of how we live, work, and operate. Break the culture by some form of rash decision-making or failure of governance or disregard for the bonds that were previously built, and you have yourself a very un-Island mess on your hands.
As a Victorian of 15 years, I have come to respect and love how thoughtful and principled the community is. You recognize something that the Coast Salish peoples of this Island have taught for generations: tsetsuwatil and tl’i’ to’ mukw’ mustimuhw.
Tsetsuwatil means “Working together for common benefit.” It’s how Islanders self-organize, whether hosting a book launch at the Penny Farthing pub or stopping on the Lochside Trail to help with a stranger’s flat tire.
Tl’i’ to’ mukw’ mustimuhw loosely translates to “Each person is important.”
Not each role, but each person.
I like to think of our community as one of tsetsuwatil and tl’i’ to’ mukw’ mustimuhw.
So, where does that leave us, Victoria?
Denise and I are moving back to Vancouver.
What?!?
Denise tapped into her deep BC educators’ network, and an exciting opportunity surfaced at a school that recognizes her talent, leadership, and, yep, you guessed it, community-building cachet.
In just a few days, we are leaving behind the 15 years of February daffodils, delivered Guinness, bike paths, and—most importantly—our community relationships in hopes of recreating some of that Island magic back on the Mainland.
Our life in Victoria is being disrupted, but a new village of potential beckons.
Indeed, it will be exciting to return to Vancouver. I hear the Canucks are on the way up?
Over these last three months, which have indeed been extremely difficult, Denise and I have tried to model for our three kids—and our friends and the wider Island community—that when something unexpectedly negative happens, while it is far more difficult to take the high road, it is the much better and ethical path to choose.
Maybe because “Working together for common benefit” and “Each person is important” are so woven into our reflections and ways of being.
Although it was not my decision, one was made in May.
What I can control, however, is my sense of purpose, what matters most to me, and how people view me now… and in the future.
After all, my purpose statement is, "We're not here to see through each other; we’re here to see each other through.”
And I know firsthand that Denise is in the exact same boat. #teammates
“Love is real. Real is love.”
Victoria, be still my broken heart; I have never felt more at home than in the community and kinship that you have offered since 2011. You taught me so much.
I will miss you dearly.
Windstorms and all.
Thank you, Victoria.
Until we meet again…
