Aside from the intended irony of this post’s title, the recent onslaught of listicle articles across the web has become so dense, so frequent, so pervasive, I am beginning to think that in the near future one of the following catastrophic outcomes might actually come to fruition:
- No editor on any platform anywhere on the interwebs will accept an article unless there is a number in the title, and a corresponding number of items written about said title in the body of the article. (Sorry, it’s just the law now.)
- If an article does get past the numerologist-like editors, unless there is a number in the article title, no one will even bother to read it. (Why read if I can’t count?)
- Teachers and professors will begin assigning homework, insisting the titles of any paper contain a number.
- e.g. “Six Similarities and Seven Differences of Van Gogh and Rembrandt”
- Marriage vows will be numbered, spoken out loud by the couple to all in attendance.
- Obviously, there would be a minimum of five.
- Children will be named in the numerical order that they are born.
- e.g. I would be called “One”, my sister would be named “Two” and my brother of course would be “Three”
- Dinner conversations would only revolve around listicles. Examples below:
- “What are the five things you did at school today?”
- “Tell me three things you hate about your job.”
- “Describe the six coolest things about walking across the street.”
- “Remind me with twelve different examples why we’re still married?”
In the meantime, take a look at the collection of sites that are exasperating my very personal and picky bane.
Will it ever end?