the blog of dan pontefract | Him? Here? Now? No.
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Him? Here? Now? No.

I don’t want to die.

As far as I know, thankfully, I’m not dying.

But if we’re being honest with one another, I am not all that comfortable thinking about my death. Imminent or otherwise.

But the fact of the matter is whether sudden or prolonged, we are all dancing our own path to the waterfall.

I love my life. I love what it was. I love what it has become. I love what it is.

I also love thinking about what is to come.

What’s the next ocean to cross? What’s the next prose to read? What’s the next nuance to discover? What’s the next shadow to outwit?

There are many questions I like to ask.

Disentangling tomorrow is what I do.

It’s what I’ve always done.

I love today. I love each day.

But I am also hardwired to think about the day after today. Tomorrow is not just another day. It is the day of infinite possibility. Of perpetual positivism. What’s wrong can be righted. What’s problematic can be solved. What’s missing can be found. What’s learned can be unlearned.

Ultimately, today is thinking fodder for tomorrow. And I love tomorrow.

But if I know that my tomorrows are time limited, how should I act? Interact? React?

Copyright David Bastedo

Copyright David Bastedo

What’s the plan, man?

Him? Here? Now?

No.

This is what you have taught me.

It’s the lesson of the grand bounce.

We need not be scared of death. If it is thrust upon me, like you, I will use the unfolding scenario as the opportunity to help define tomorrow for someone else. Perhaps for many. The Big Apple clock need not unceremoniously hurtle towards the ground and shatter to pieces.

Whilst my tomorrow may physically cease one day, it will continue for others. My three children. Better half. Family. Friends. Loyal readers. Maybe there are more.

How I hold my head today—despite the inevitability of tomorrow—will be how I am remembered. To act in any less a manner would be selfish. Frankly it would be wrong.

I have watched, listened and embraced you and your band from afar for a quarter of a century. How’d it get this late so early? But the past 30 days has nothing on that period. Some say it’s courage. Of course it’s courageous.

But it’s more than courage.

I have come to realize you are defining your tomorrow, today.

This is what I have learned.

Whether for your family, band mates, friends or fans, you have indeed become “involved in a life that passes understanding,” imploring each of us to remember that “our highest business is our daily life.” God I love John Cage.

Your tomorrow has become your today. It’s your highest business.

And if dark prematurely rings the door for me one day with a customized forewarning, I will do whatever I can to embrace tomorrow, today.

Like you.

That’s right, let’s just see what tomorrow brings.

Today.

If him is death, now is in fact never.

Him? Here? Now?

No.

Never.

Thank you Gord. For today.

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Gord Downie Fund for Brain Cancer Research

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6Comments

  • Darren / 19 August 2016 4:03

    That was incredible. Very deep and very intuitive. I am a first time reader of your work and now you have a new fan. Thanks

  • Jodi McKinnon / 20 August 2016 7:32

    Dan. TTH’s solicitous fan.

    Please accept my appreciation for honouring my Canada’s band.

    Yet, forgive me. “Our business in living is to become fluent with the life we are living…”

    A quote, perhaps whilst writing this, you may have misplaced within your mental memorabilia bank.

    If I may. Tomorrow is not defined by today yet, it is yesterday that defines it.

    How we feel about our past, ourselves yesterday, is what will give us “fodder” to be confident today. Is it not true that it is the memories of our experiences are what means the most, not actually the experiences themselves? Remember. The events exist for just a dot in the continuum, yet the memories persist. To improve who we are today we must rely on who we were yesterday and not who we will want to be tomorrow.

    You have defined your today, yesterday.

    Your highest business is living for today – essentially in the past. Today is the past, but it is not the tomorrow that will make you, you. It is what you have done, are doing, that will be important.

    If you go to hell, I will still remember you.

    Him? Here? Now? YES!

  • Lisa Martin / 20 August 2016 9:34

    So eloquently said. Thank you for this, Dan.

  • shobjk / 22 August 2016 11:00

    Wonderful post.

  • My (Re) View Of That Night In Kingston – dan pontefract / 22 August 2016 7:55

    […] had just finished writing about Gord’s resilience and grit in a post called, “Him? Here? Now? No.” But there I was, watching a man 52-years young, screaming those exact words into a microphone. […]

  • Barb / 22 August 2016 10:07

    That was beautiful. Beautiful. And it is the lesson we should all learn and live.

Want to leave a comment? I'd love to hear from you. Cheers, dp.